Letters from Humaisna Idris

(Humai not being the type to keep a journal - I decided this would be an effective way to not only chronicle events but also show Humai's character - what he says depends on who he's writing to).

Dearest Haeru,

Hope this letter finds you well. I'm sending along with it some trinkets I found for the kiddos. Please give to them next time you see Minya and Neithandir (which I hope you do frequently - I keep getting spacey notes from Minya about how much she loves cooking with you).

My little group and I went to Aht Urhgan yesterday. Now don't worry, I know that's a troubled part of the world but we had a knowledgeable guide in Jestor and were completely safe the entire time. You don't know him; he's fairly new to the group but he's scholar and I'm embarrassed to admit that he knows more now than I probably ever will.

The city and surrounding area were beautiful. I wish you had been here. I was expecting desert but outside was a wooded area - some of the leaves were already changing colors. Jestor and I also explored the most amazing underground cavern.

I learned about several new jobs in the city. If Altana wills it, I hope to begin training in one. I'm so out of depth and will have to get so much stronger if I'm to do any good here.

I miss you and hope to see you soon,
Love, Humaisna

(gonna move these into one thread)

Amandil -

Need advice. Went to Aht Urghan yesterday and don't know what the hell I'm doing. DO NOT tell Haeru.

You've heard of blue mages? I accidentally became one. I don't know - it happened so quickly. One second I'm answering this weird guy's questions - then he asks me to get something for his dying mother (which, of course, I do) - then another guy asks me if I want power and all I could think of was finally being strong enough to protect those I care about - then BAM! he informs me I've been tested for blue mage and knocks the crap out of me. Now I'm one of them.

All I've ever heard of them is somewhat negative. Can one be a blue mage and still serve Altana? Or have I sold my soul and betrayed my Goddess?

Thing is, I don't think I care. I HAVE to do this if it makes me stronger, more capable.

I think I'm losing it. I've sort of been the leader of our little group but a new guy stepped in. He knows far more than I do and the logical part of me knows they're better off with his decisions. Still... oh Goddess, this is pathetic... I miss feeling in control and needed.

Neithandir was right about me not being the good, honorable person I pretend to be. I don't know what to do. I'm so distracted over this I wandered into the middle of an attack on the city. Yeah, that went well.

I need a good, verbal kick in the head.
~Humaisna

K-

Made it Sandy ok. Was wearing my sentinel badge and a woman shouted at me that I was a heretic for wearing that thing. You would have had a good laugh at her horrified face. Have the elvaan gotten even more prudish since I left home or have you pack of weirdos made me less...?

Although... Rahal told me I lacked discretion for wearing it in the Chateau and implied that Prince Trion would throw a fit. I think I might be a little ashamed of that. I honestly forgot that I had it on. I could care less about Trion's opinion but I've always thought highly of Rahal and of my own discretion.

Hope the blue mage thing is going well. I haven't tried it out yet due to being so busy. Jesimae demanded I bring you with me next visit. Be back in Bastok sometime in the next few days.

-Humai

Sis-

I hope this letter manages to make it to you. Your dad contacted me about your whereabouts. He didn't believe me when I said I didn't know. I wish I had been lying. I haven't heard from you in nearly a year. I don't know if the mailcarrier is getting attacked by Yagudo again or what. Maybe you lost your linkpearl. And you moved so I couldn't find you in Windurst. It'd be nice if you'd jot me a note, doesn't even have to say anything beyond "Ok. Tikano."

Went to Sandy and saw Haeru yesterday. He's okay. Dazelle left Windy a while back and is living their house in San d'Oria. I'm still in Bastok, adventuring with mostly the same group of people - Keahi, Miss Saehel, Ninny - although we've added a few more over the past few weeks.

You'd like the hume, Jestor. He's into all that mage stuff, although not so much the black magic. I think you'd find a lot to talk about.

I suppose you know better than I would, having lived in Windurst (are you still in Windurst?), but I sort of stupidly assumed that all mithra acted a lot like Keahi. Boy, was I wrong! I've been traveling with Rhoa a lot lately and she's far more serious and less scary than Keahi. I took her to Norg for a samurai weapon and she was a lot braver than I was on traversing Sea Serpent Grotto for the first time. Kinniko, our newest member is a mithra too, although I haven't been able to spend much time with her.

Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll cut this short. Send me a note. Or, if you'd like, you know where to find me. We could always use a dark knight. I miss you, Tiki, and I just want to know if you're OK.

Humai.

Amandil -

The more I think about this blue mage incident, the more it troubles me. I think about the questions - questions which Keahi, Jestor, and I answered differently, yet were still accepted. Can Waoud somehow judge compatability with his group based on present questions and past experiences?

Rhoa asked me why we were accepted when other members of our group were not. Keahi and Jestor are both already mages, and seem comfortable with that amount of knowledge and power. And that I was included because I would do what it takes. She misinterpreted what I said, and replied that she thought all paladins would do the same. I didn't bother arguing.

I don't talk about the military. Don't mention the decisions I've made to finish a mission that got my knights killed. Or the companions I've euthanized because they were too mentally or physically scarred and the fucking elvaan are too damn proud to live with handicaps. My own people, people I cared about.

Praise Altana for the stereotype of the paladin! I couldn't look Miss Sae or Ninny in the face if they really knew.

But how did Waoud know? His questions torment me. I can't stop putting faces to those questions! "A companion in battle turns against you" - Neith. "A superior asks you to violate your sense of justice" - Creo. "A loved one" - Tikano. Okay, that's a hypothetical but I keep thinking would I? Could I end her suffering if she was too far gone? Are they not meant to be hypothetical? But no - for Keahi I'm sure they were. Jestor, I have no idea.

Am I so suited to be a blue mage? I promised Rhoa that I'd look into it but it worries me.

Jestor, the one who has delved into the magic most fully, has begun acting differently, fearing the magic will take over. I tried to reassure him. Yet why wouldn't it? Like any other strong magic, it can consume a person - happens with summoners and dark knights alike. Saw it personally with Tikano. What can a person do to control things that threaten their very soul?

I don't know. I'll check in with you during my training, just in case. It occurs to me that Neith was stationed in Aht Urghan for a time, I should see what he knows. -Ahh shit, I shouldn't have told you that! Well, the blotting would show through and I don't want to rewrite this whole letter. Don't worry, Neith and I are friends now. In fact, Haeru hangs out with his wife and kids all the time. We're okay. Honestly.

-Humai

Neith -

Three guesses as to where I'm writing this from. (And Minya just ruined that but telling you over the linkshell. I suppose I could just talk to you on the linkpearl, but what fun would that be? Aaand now Minya's telling you a greatly invented account of a spat my Bastok group got into. Good old Minya - give her a one sentence explanation and she'll provide the rest of the details. Remind me never to talk to your wife again.)

I learned a couple interesting things from her while here. First, that you and Amandil have been talking about me. Pleasant as it is to be the topic of interest, I cannot imagine what the two of you could possibly have to discuss. Especially since you do not normally speak.

Second, that while stationed in Aht Urghan, you learned a little blue magic yourself, and only now decided to tell Minya about it.

Third, that you are under the impression that civilian life is making me soft. I assure you this is not the case.

Since you told all this to Minya, I can only guess that you wanted it to get back to me. So, I have a proposition for you. I understand your regiment comes back from Jeuno in a few days. I temporarily find myself in San d'Oria with plenty of free time and uncertain of my desire to return to Bastok. You pick two quests that would send a weak civilian home in tears and I promise to complete them. In return, you fill in the gaps of my blue mage training. And if you're brave enough, oh great elvaan knight, maybe you'll agree to explore Holla with me. One of my companions showed me how to get inside - and if that didn't terrify my cowardly little civilian legs into running away, I'm not sure what will.

How does that sound? A couple of foolhardy adventures seem just the thing. It'll be like old times. Err, almost. I'll even let you attempt to save my irredeemable little hume soul. What do you say?

Let me know. I now turn this letter over to Neith Jr and Claudie who insist on drawing pictures for their daddy. (Perhaps we've both gone a bit soft, old friend).

-Idris

Dear Jestor Worthington,

I do not know when you were planning on speaking to the rest of the group but - good luck. As I said before, I value your insight and do not want to lose you.

When I got home the other day, I realized that I'd caught something from the crag in my clothing. Upon looking into it, I found that it was called "a fragment of a radiant memory" and was from something called "the empty". I went back into the crag today and found "a fragment of a malevolent memory" and "a fragment of a profane memory". That's all the information I found in the San d'Orian cathedral's library.

Who are these beings and what do we do with their memories? Can we do anything for these creatures besides kill them? In any of your reading have you found a way to help them regain what they were? What are the crags truly? Just a holding place for these... beings?

The crags and their occupants both terrify and fascinate me. I plan to return accompanied by a friend, as one of the creatures nearly overcame me last time. If you are interested in returning, please let me know.

Sincerely,
Humaisna Idris

Mister Humaisna,

I have joined up with the Bastok government as I mentioned was offered to me. Because of this I now have access to their libraries from before the war up until today. This has given me more insight into the 'empty' that we saw, although their creation or what they are still elludes people.

I will be planning an expidition out to the crags. And on my word I said I would ask for assistance should I head someplace dangerous. So I am extending this offer to you if you are interested. I would like to see this rumored 'Mothercrystal' with my own eyes.

Jestor

Dear Jestor -

Yes, I'll go. When do we start?
(And congratulations on the new job!)

Humaisna

Dear Haeru,

I miss you. Yeah, I know, I was just in San d'Oria. I know we have the linkshell. I just like letters, okay? They're so... permanent, I guess is the word I'm looking for. If you and Kia keep teasing me, I swear I'll stop writing. (And that's a lie).

I explored Castle Oztroja yesterday. Fairly standard for a Yagudo stronghold, but interesting anyway. Don't worry, I took Rhoa with me. We hadn't really journeyed together since Jestor had been so rude to her, but she seems okay - not that we talked about it or anything.

I find myself liking her company - like a very strange combo of Daz and Neith. Like Daz, she cheers me on regardless if I've done anything great. And while she doesn't intentionally call attention to herself, she has a lot of Neith's flair - unassumingly performing some high damage attack like it's nothing special. I like her style. She and Jake (her wyvern) are pretty entertaining to watch in battle. I find I don't have to give her a lot of direction, nor does she have to instruct me. We don't have to talk much to finish the job. The ochu genocide in Rolanberry was particularly well done, if I say so myself.

I think the conflict has died down in the group, at least, no one's speaking openly about it. I can only hope this means we're okay. They've sort of taken the place of my San d'Orian troop and, well, you know how I felt when that dissolved. My only regret is that you aren't traveling with me but maybe that's okay, because it always means that I have a home to return to.

Anyway, I have a few people waiting on my help, so I'd better stop.
Love and miss you,
Humai

Dad -

Sweet Altana, this is retarded. It was Amandil's stupid idea, that maybe if I did this... I'd feel better or something.

What do I write to someone who's been gone more years than I knew him? That I needed you, and you weren't there?

That for one glorious second, when I realized the maws led to the past, I thought I could save you? Only to discover it was already too late, you were already dead, and I would never, never see you again.

Altana damn you! You were going to your death and you knew it! I understand that you were trying to do right by your people and the Duchy. But I needed you! ...the constant threat of attack, the evacuation. I didn't cry, I was brave, but the memory of those days... fuck, I can't even talk about them now. Fuck you Dad, for knowing you were abandoning us and doing it regardless!

How is that fair to you? You died a hero. You endured so much over me: the fights with Mother, the ridicule from your best friend. They thought you were a fool to accept me. Why wasn't I a better son?

How different it would have been had you lived. Mother would have left and married Esteroth, and that would've been my fault, but I would have still had you... and I would have tried harder. I wouldn't have shamed you.

Nearly the same age as you when you died. Can I ever stop comparing myself to you and coming up short? Will I ever believe Amandil when he says you would be proud of me? Or your last words to me that you thanked Altana every day I was your son?

Ridiculous. I'm too fucking old to miss you. Stupid damn perfect Amandil, underestimating my idiocy, putting faith in me not to fuck everything up again.

I should have died instead of you. You will always be the better man. One day, I will figure out how to honor your name. Until then, don't judge me too harshly for my failures.

Dear Miss Nekaru,

I wasn't sure of your address (or Coravin's, for that matter), so I thought that maybe if I sent this to Michea and Miss Sae, I'd be able to reach you.

Just a quick question: I know you are not from Windurst but you seem to have a lot of information about it and its people - is any of that recent knowledge? More specifically, have you ever heard of the dark knight or black mage Tikano Findarthin?

If you have any information, I'd appreciate if we didn't discuss it over the linkshell. Thank you.

Sincerely, Humaisna Idris

Amandil -

I had a really good day yesterday and, aside from a raging hangover (I thought Nekaru was keeping pace with me; I thought wrong), I woke up feeling really good about today.

Yesterday, I didn't want to be alone, so I invited Nekaru along with me to explore Movapolis. Yes, that Movapolis - the city of rickety bridges stretched out over vast emptiness. Nekaru is the only one who doesn't know of my fear of heights, and so the only one I felt comfortable with. I did really well - no visible panicking, just got sick once. I don't think Nekaru even noticed!

Somehow, we got on the topic of mentors. I was lucky to have had someone like you. She wasn't as lucky, although I doubt she'd see it that way. You didn't give up on me, despite my insistence that I didn't need you. I'm not Nekaru; I wasn't mentally tough enough to make it on the street.

I know you don't want thanks, but I appreciate more those times you came after me, although I hated you for it at the time. To this day, I have someone I trust more than myself - and that's not nothing. So, there. I wanted to let you know yet again that I would be a much worse person for not having you.

I noticed that your front table rocks, so I made another for you. You probably have some insightful comment about how it serves the purpose it was intended, and nothing is ever useless, or whatever. You never could recognize a lost cause, Amandil. Seriously, it's an eyesore. Take the damn replacement.

Take care of yourself. I love you, you batty optimist.
-Humai

K-

Missed you today. Thought a lot about what you said. I know it's a flaw that I need to work on. Going to try harder.

Went to Altepa, then Xarcabard with Nekaru, Jestor and Rhoa. A couple close calls. I trusted their ability and they pulled through, though I had to let everyone take a few hits. I hated it; but I still allowed it. I'm trying. Can't save everyone 100% of the time, I know, and that's hard for me. Easier to be the one on the ground than to watch it happen.

Anyway, staying with Haeru for a bit. Catch up with me there. And how about a heads up first before you barge in this time?

- H

Amandil -

Please keep an eye out for an elvaan boy named Ailbeche (that is, if he's not already on your list). He normally hangs out in North Sandy because his father, Captain Exoroche, is a little... neglectful.

Used to think his dad was just an ass - turns out that he kind of lost it after his wife got killed in front of him. Sound like anyone else we know?

Anyway, I'd appreciate if you'd do what you can to help the kid out. (And Exoroche too - he's not so bad once you get to know him. Gave me a sword, after all). I try to look after them but it's hard when I'm not in Sandy.

The whole situation kinda reminds me of Haeru and well, I wish I could have spared him that childhood. I would've done anything.

Another thing - I met the guy who is leading Exoroche's troop - and would you believe he's a hume?? Apparently Sandy's promoting more non-traditional citizens lately. And Jes got put in charge of a regular elvaan division. Amazing. Either they're changing their ways or maybe getting desperate for troops...

Wonder if they're desperate enough to take me back...

I miss being a San d'Orian citizen. I hate feeling like a visitor in what should be my country. Flawed as they are, I miss the Royal Knights too.

Well anyway, miss you too. Keep a lookout for Ailbeche.

Humai

K -

There's this guy in Windurst I wanted to help, but he refuses because he's never heard of me and how can he trust me? Never had that happen before, so I'm a little unsure of what to do. Need to make a name for myself pretty quickly so I can help this dude.

You're from Windurst; how do I make that happen? Drop me a line, I'd really appreciate your advice. Thanks.

H.

H-

What you do is go talk to him again and bring the twins with you. I'll tell them you're coming. That ought to do it if ya catch my drift.

-K

K-

Thanks for the advice but I think I'll figure it out myself. I don't think threatening the man with violent tarus is the way to go.

H.